Well... shit!

So... some nice people came over and played in my shit yesterday and today. My sewer main broke. I'm guessing being a plumber has it's perks (like the money I shelled out)... but I'll go out on a limb and assume it's not a profession that allows one to go home and relax with a nice cup of hot chocolate and a Snickers bar. I'm just saying, you know... I know I wouldn't be able to ever eat corn again. Seeing your own shit splattered on another dude (not to mention your walls) is a certain humiliation no one should have to endure. Unless you're into German porn, I guess. They LOVE shitting on each other over there.

Comedians

Well... it's been awhile, hasn't it? AND NO ONE NOTICED! That's just how blogs work. No one but your girlfriend (hiya, Captain!) really ever gives a shit. My girlfriend's got a blog. She's much better about it now, but at first, she'd make an update, and then run in and tell me to look at it while she read it over my shoulder. No pressure. Honest.

So... a friend of mine and I went to see some comedians last night. They were all funny, but one thing bothered the SHIT out of me... the first comedian. Granted, he had some funny bits and all... but, look... you're not fooling ANYONE. This is your job! You've written most of this material well over a year ago, refined it, practiced it on your friends and family, and you've performed it live. You've been from club to club, college-to-college, and you've refined it. This is not the first time you've said this stuff. STOP LAUGHING AT YOUR OWN FUCKING MATERIAL! You do not think you're this funny. If you did, you wouldn't be a comedian! People that are that in love with themselves end up living with their parents well into their 40s, and never leave the house... they just sit on the floor of their bathroom and jerk off into their own mouths. "MMMM! God DAMN, I'm delicious!". Tell your joke, introduce the next comedian, and shut the fuck up!

Everybody Poops

So... Thanksgiving (for you non-Americans, this is a holiday over here we use to celebrate the meticulous massacre of the indigenous people that were here prior to us "colonizing" America). We also sneezed on blankets and passed 'em out as a pretext to biological warfare as we know it today. Anyhoosal... it typically ends in a tryptophan-induced coma and/or drunken fight. w00t! The day AFTER Thanksgiving typically marks the beginning of a very short-lived diet (interrupted by Christmas). Binge and purge, people... binge and purge.

Dieting brings me to a biblical conundrum... if I eat too much, I'm a glutton... which is a sin. If I WATCH what I eat and take CARE of myself, though... it's vanity... a sin. Luckily, there's no God, so I'm going to get myself a Reese's cup. Mmmm... chocolate...