What's in a Name?

Ah… the anonymity of the internet. Whenever I start up a new account, I literally swoon with the power I'm given, simply because I get to choose my login ID and/or handle. I get to choose my fucking NAME! I don't have to go to court and pay a shit-ton of money to a judge and then go change my license at the DMV and all my credit cards. I just… y'know… choose one.

My concern is… with all of this power, why do people pick these fucking RETARDED names? I picked Blogger #4523-K as a little way of poking fun at all of this, but I've seen some fucking stupid names… and I just can't stop thinking "Wow. They PICKED that". You were given the power to pick anything… and you picked StrawberryFrog, H3ll0kittzroxx0rz, or Ilikeballs!?!? What the fuck is wrong with you? What if you accidentally end up saying something that changes the world? You're interviewed for it, and the bottom third of the TV screen, under your picture, says "ZombieDick25". I guess my main question is… why the 25? Are there really TWENTY-FUCKING-FOUR other people that just had to have the name ZombieDick!?!?

Some just confuse the Hell out of me. I will spend hours trying to figure out what zgrtfse3ddzzz means. I don't have fucking passwords this complex! I imagine their password to be "robert" or something. Maybe they just typed them in the wrong boxes.

Even over at AZMD.NET, we have Aurous Star. I mean no offense… well… I probably do, but it's a nice way to cushion the blow… but what the fuck? It sounds like a really pretty name for someone's taint. "Hey… when you bend over, I can totally see your Aurous Star". Xsarthis? I picture him trying to type "pompous asshole" with his dick while throwing his shit at the monitor, and that's what he came up with.

What I'm saying is… you get to choose anything you want. If something really good is taken… don't just throw random numbers at the end. If you can't think of something… put off signing up for a bit. It's your name. You don't want to be "squirrelnuts" for the rest of your life because you panicked. Oh… one more thing… a 3 is not an 'e', a 2 is not a 'z', and there is no fucking way in Hell that a 7 even SORT of looks like a "T"! So knock it off, and PULL UP YOUR FUCKING PANTS!